Do we recollect negative events more often

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Photo Courtesy: Southeastern University

One thing that I have had difficulty with for many years is the recollection of situations or happenings that didn’t end well. When I am left alone to do my chores, walk alone or be by myself, my memory recollects it much faster and relives those situations all over again. I fall in to a feeling of desperate wish to go back and do things differently to change the negative outcome to a positive one. I would feel so stupid about myself to have not read the situations properly to take the right move towards a better outcome.
In the reflection process, things become clear, there is time to analyse and
understand. But during any specific event – In spite of being all present in that moment, it may not strike all needed chords to take the right action or say the right things.

I do appreciate the learning I get to take from my past failures and I hope to become a bit more wiser to apply that learning in the future. I also realize that this learning I get by reflecting leads me to recollect those events too often in my mind and I end up feeling this deep wish to have done things differently.

This poses questions in my mind – Are there side effects to the process of Reflection? Does it lead us to be tied down to our past more often? Does it lead us to relive those moments without being asked for?

I realize that it may take another level of abstraction to exercise Reflection to side track the likely side effects!


When the going gets tough

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Life offers us with many varieties of choices and options. While we have the luxury of making those choices, we have no say or control over the outcomes of them.

Sometimes the outcomes might turn out to be a pleasant surprise, might make us feel high & happy, might give us a sense of accomplishment & pride. Sometimes the outcomes can completely throw us off, throw us into a dark pit making us feel clueless on how to get out of there. We might crawl, dig further, scramble and look around to find nothing helpful. Caught by the moments of fear and despair that leads to anxiety, pain and tears, we may experience meltdowns knocking us off. I am sure we all have been there at some point or the other.

I was put through such situations quiet early on in my life. I could look back now and see that I handled it with lot more strength and kept going as it got tougher. Early on, I had no internet resources or books to look up to, still I managed to gather the strength to keep going. I don’t remember thinking about the strength or doing any specific thing to gain more strength. I was more focused on figuring out the solution, or the possibility of it, and the strength I needed to work on it was just there, but where did that strength come from?

After going deep in my past, I could see that I had a deep belief that my will and actions to pursue a solution would take me there one day, and I believed that all I needed to do was to take one step at a time towards the solution. I realize that the belief was the source of my strength, that led to actions. Both were going hand in hand, without belief we take no action, without action we stay put where we are. Life has taught me that – while my deep belief, or sincere efforts may not guarantee a favorable outcome, without belief and efforts the chances of anything happening in my favor is almost nil.

All I tell myself now is – One small step at a time, with all my belief….

To Live In The Present

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Photo Courtesy: The school of Life

As I observe an explosion of chaos in my mind, I sense fractions of past events, memories, moments of joy, sorrow, sadness, pain, all mix up and play in a fast rewind and forward fashion.  I want to contain, I want to let go, I want to explore, I want to experience, I want to give, I want to pour, I want to hold, I want to do more.  This experience repeats itself quiet often going into a loop.  I am searching for answers, searching for wisdom, searching for a direction, searching for a channel, searching for a relief, searching for tools to slow down, searching for calmness and much more.  I understand that this chaos is necessary to reach serenity.  I find myself never stopping to search, find myself never settling with what I find, it cannot be bad after all, one day I might find enough to keep me anchored, or I might just continue to search…

By design our mind is devised to dwell in the past and the future, very rarely do we live in the present.  But the key to life is devised to be hidden, encrypted, morphed that we have to constantly work against our default design.  I go searching again…

Past is dead, future is a dream, present is all the six senses.  If I don’t think about the past, I don’t reflect, I don’t learn.  If I don’t think about the future, I don’t plan, I don’t go anywhere.  Can living in the present be an answer for a fulfilled or a better life?  Can I accommodate reflecting and dreaming into ‘Living in the present’?  Then would it still be called as ‘Living in the present’.

Perhaps the answer might be in what is being searched for.

It could be that – If the search is to build a better tomorrow, use the present to dream and plan.  If the search is to learn from experience, use the present to reflect on the past and learn.  I am rethinking the phrase – ‘Live in the present’.  Here I go searching again…

Do you want to share your experience on ‘Living in the Present’ ?

What is Hope?


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What is Hope?

I do not know if you all have wondered about something called hope.  I often wondered about it in my life.  The reason why I had to often think about it is because, I realized that I more often needed it to pass through the difficult phases in life.

When I think back what helped me get through all that I had to, I could point my finger on one thing, that is Hope.  So, I started analyzing it a bit more to learn to keep it by my side more often than I am used to.  To begin with, I started with questions like ‘What is the source of Hope?’.  Where does it generate from?  Who creates it?  How can I have more of it?  How can I make sure of its permanent presence in my life?  As several questions clouded my mind,  I was determined to take all the time needed to find answers to those questions.  These answers could make a big difference in my life… So they were quiet important.

Thinking about the source of Hope, I could see that it could have many sources.  It could originate from my parents, my friends, my colleagues and other acquaintances.  I saw that Hope coming from these sources did give me something to work on, but not to the same extent as I have seen it working in some other situations where I saw some phenomenal results.  So what were those other situations where I saw phenomenal results?  How did I reach those results?  More thinking led me to see that the source of hope in these other situations was none other than self.  I chose to call this ‘Self Hope’.  Then I understood that there is a big difference between the results originating from other sources and self.  When a person learns to practice to be self hopeful, it directly has an impact on the person’s attitude.  When the person’s attitude is loaded with self hope, the person starts to look things differently, the person is more motivated to exhibit the strength required to keep going, to retain the energy required to look for new dimensions of life, to spot the right opportunities and do more.  Self hope motivates the person to not give up.

Why does the source matter?  I figured that when the source is external, it is like an energy drink.  The effect dries out soon when the sugar level goes down.  But when the source is internal, it is like a perennial river.  It has no bounds and it is free flowing.  When I spotted this difference, in all my difficult times, I kept this in mind and worked on having an inner source of hope and real belief that something different is yet to come.  I saw myself more in control, and more in command of what I should be doing next to make that new different thing to happen in my life.

What do you all think of Hope? Did the source of hope matter to you? I would love to hear your experiences.

New Year Wishes & Resolution for 2013

I wish everyone a very Happy New Year.
Luckily, the world didn’t come to an end afterall as predicted using the mayan calender :).
Let 2013 be a fabulous one for all of us.
There are so many challenges in the world to work on for all of us together, that means we all are going to be occupied and busy right?
The power and opportunity for every individual in the world has risen tremendously due to the digital world we live in today.
Thanks to the technology and the brains behind it.
Let us all use the opportunity given to us today in a responsible way, to make a real difference in this world!

I have never been a person that felt the need for a new year resolution.
But this year I am going to try having one.
As blogging is a new activity for me, my new year resolution would be to keep my blog active and write as much as I could.
This is going to be difficult as I have to find time for this new found interest.
I started this blog to experiment my ability to write and express myself.
Being a newbie to the blogging world, I have a lot to learn about it, find the topics that I am interested to blog about, and improve my writing skills.
I think, I have more than enough to look forward to.

Welcome 2013!!!

The Delhi rape victim is dead – a sad year ending

I got to know from the news that the young 23 years old rape victim is dead.  I felt so sad to read the news.
Link for details:

The girl has suffered multiple organ failure, swelling of the brain, several infections and what not?
Is someone’s life in India so worthless to die young due to social violence?
Does the year have to end in such misery for the girl’s parents?
How much terrifying it is to know that we are living among such criminals who would abuse someone to death, just for some moments of sexual pleasure?

I read that 6 suspects have been arrested. But what are the plans for these criminals?
Is it enough to arrest them, give them a trial that runs for several years to give them enough time to exploit the holes in the law, let them use the influence of big shots in their circle, allow them to plea and appeal in one court after the other, and finally relieve them with as little penalty as possible?
Let’s say that the Indian judicial law miraculously acts appropriately, and punishes the criminals enough in this case, due to the vast international publicity this incident has gained. will that change the prospective criminal’s societal attitude and stop such social crimes from happening? I am sure not…

While I think it is important to have strict laws and judicial system to protect the public from such crimes, it is not all enough to address the real culprit of such crimes – the societal attitude towards women. Instead of talking about setting up committees to discuss on preventive actions like increasing the police presence in odd hours in public places, will the government think of having corrective plans to bring in a shift in how women are being looked at and treated in the society?

Delhi gang rape atrocity & youngster’s bravery

Being an Indian woman, I couldn’t stop writing about the recent shame – Delhi bus gang rape event.
Living in Europe, seeing this news as a headline in the local national television disturbed me a lot.
I further did my reading on the internet about it, and describing what I felt while reading it is going to be difficult for me.
Here is a link, if anyone is interested in the details of this news.

I cannot imagine what the victim would have undergone emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically.
What a brutal act? Will she ever be able to come over this experience in her life?
Will there be any help in the society for her to come past this horrible nightmare?
I doubt it….

There could be several types of criminals in a society.
But the ones that exhibit taking pleasure in others pain through brutal violence are just like carnivorous animals that are so unwanted in a society.
Safety is every human necessity, and how much of it is given in India today? especially for women?

What raged me is what I saw in the news in the following days in the television here.
The police treating their own civilian students like criminals, bashing the young boys and girls who came down to the streets to fight for justice and change, shows the atrocity of the police and the government.
When the real criminals gets to go free of their crimes, who is getting punished here? – the public that is devoid of safety, protection and justice.

What is even more painful was a man giving an interview talking about the reasons for why this is happening more in the northern parts of India. His reasoning was that the girl fetuses are being aborted in the northern parts, leading to an imbalance in the male to female ratio, and men not being able to get married in time. Let’s say that the male to female ratio is imbalanced, so do they say that it is acceptable to let such rape incidences happen in a society? These type of incidents have always been happening in the society for several decades. This particular incident just happened to get a lot of publicity and managed to become an international news. Otherwise such incidents have always been happening at all times, and went unnoticed and unattended, at the most it could end up on the local news papers leaving just misery and despair for the victim and her family. Instead of giving hypothetical, political diplomatic reasons, I hope they arrest the criminals and get them psychologically analysed, to figure out what has transformed them into heartless monsters, to bang someone with an iron rod, and still enjoy her sexually as a gang, and throw her out from a running bus. They all deserve to be hanged!

I have to applaud the youngters who fought in the face of injustice, who raised their voices to be heard. Such a bravery!
This is what is required of youngsters in India, if at all India has to break herself of all the political bureaucracy and atrocious injustice.